Bipolar obsessions, The symptom that every person with bipolar avoids talking about, because we know we are obsessing but we cant stop it!
Whilst juggling the depression with the mania, often enough a third ball to juggle with gets thrown into the mix: anxiety
Is she ignoring me? What time are we meeting? Why isn’t anyone telling me! Are they avoiding me?
I need more information. Why doesn’t someone tell me what is happening? Are they angry with me ?
They are quieter than usual , what is going on? What are they not telling me? I need to plan for Christmas
I need to write a list, I need to write another list I don’t like my handwriting in this one , maybe use another pen?
This thinking can be so physically painful.
Compulsively checking social media or your phone. Calling and leaving more than one message and not waiting for a reply. Getting upset when people don’t call back or message back.
Uncertainty is painful for the bipolar mind. We want answers NOW! in order to feel better. If we can’t get the answers, our bodies choose repetitive behaviours as a calming tool. We then go into overdrive thinking of every possible worse case scenario.
This doesn’t work! Sometimes we need someone to look us in the eyes and tell us that we are worrying beyond anything we could possibly control.
Once I start obsessing over something I find it difficult to stop. From little insignificant non-issues to the larger things in life
It’s not just thoughts that I can’t keep up with, and then the most insignificant thing will make me explode.
For example: I am waiting for results from some blood tests back from the Doctor to check all my levels are okay so my mind automatically is expecting the blood tests to come back terrible, I am waiting for results back from the vet because my dog has had a lump on his back for a while now that wont go away, automatically I am thinking how much an operation is going to cost and will he be okay I cant begin to imagine my boy not to be around, my fridge decided to pack up on me over the weekend, it has an alarm that goes off when it goes over a certain temperature, the sound was piercing. Next thing I know I am sat on my kitchen floor crying over my fridge not working!!
Bless him, my dad came round to my house as he knew I wasn’t right and sat with me whilst I sobbed over a fridge, reality of it all, I wasn’t just crying over a fridge – I had reached breaking point.
It doesn’t have to be the bigger things in life, often I worry about literally nothing. Anxiety takes over. It starts with worry, then turns to anxiety and I struggle with obsessing over ridiculous or irrelevant things.
Follow me on Facebook @Mswillowbipolar
Love Ms Bipolar
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