I’m fighting for myself!

Hi everyone!

Trying to make this weeks column really personal as I think it may help me get a lot off my chest, but also someone out there reading this may feel comfort. I haven’t been OKAY for a few days I’m tired… I’m really really tired, all I seem to be doing at the moment is absorbing other people’s emotions and feelings, which is then creating anxiety, stress and an overwhelming feeling for me. I would class myself as a person that has always been an empath, but it’s taking over me. I can’t seem to shift this big heavy bag of other people’s emotions, problems , and it’s starting to affect me.

I have always been a sensitive soul, I could cry over split milk sometimes!! But recently things are getting out of hand and I’m not sure how to deal with it.

But life carries on around so I can’t just lay in bed all day and wait for this to pass. I cant not answer the phone to people and ignore them.

As I’ve said many times, people view me as a high-functioning bipolar and to a large extent, this is true. I do many things every day that many people with bipolar disorder can’t do because of their illness. I do battle with my bipolar demons and win more than some others. But here’s the thing: I still find bipolar disorder, and life, to a large extent completely overwhelming and I feel paralysed by it.

Of course, this might be in part because bipolar disorder is, in fact, overwhelming. People who don’t have bipolar disorder rarely understand this–they may view it as “just another illness”–but people with bipolar disorder know. Bipolar disorder fundamentally changes the way your brain works and dealing with every single thought running through a bad circuit is overwhelming. In fact, if there were a bigger word for overwhelming, I would use it.

It’s over-overwhelming. It’s double-overwhelming. It’s overwhelming squared. And so we fight this overwhelming disorder in spite of it feeling impossible. But it’s paralysing at times. It’s paralysing to have all these false thoughts pouring out of your brain. It’s paralysing trying to deal with them all day,

I’m trying to find the answers and the fight to get over this feeling.

Love

Ms bipolar x

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