Taught by the best in the market

Well as a few of you enjoyed my little story last week and everyone else is still writing about Boris, Donny, round trips to Durham to have your eyes tested and the virus, I’ve decided to tell you another story.

In the late 60s and early 70s, when I was just a young whippersnapper, I was travelling the UK auctioneering and demonstrating in markets, local Ideal Home exhibitions and fairgrounds. The type of goods I sold, were the type that the trader made look like they were the most brilliant things ever, but when you got them home you couldn’t quite get them to work in the same way. I sold and demonstrated so many different things– non-stick frying pans (they slip, they slide, they virtually glide), knives so sharp you could saw through a tin can then with the same knife slice a piece of bread so thin you could see daylight through it. Chopping machine for making chips and perfect salads and everything in between.

There was allegedly a Blackpool landlady who, with this machine, could slice a cucumber so thin she could make it last a whole summer season. I even sold ladies tights that supposedly wouldn’t ladder. All these things were made to look so easy because we practised for hours to make it look easy. One of my favourites was a carpet cleaning kit that actually was just a stick with a piece of plastic on the end with two rollers and two brushes and, of course, a ‘magic’ shampoo that could clean any stain out of any carpet. But the secret was in our preparation. The shampoo was just a very pure teepol diluted with a lot of water.

We used sample carpet squares to show how great the kit was but what nobody knew was they were soaked in shampoo overnight and left to dry. The ‘black shoe polish’ that was rubbed was, in fact, a black washable dye soaked into a shampoo soaked sponge. I bet some of you even remember the famous ‘Reem Kleen’ Crumb Brush Table Sweeper. All of this was a fantastic introduction to the world of selling and I was taught by the best in the markets. And it all stood me in good stead for the rest of my working life. More next week maybe or back to being grumpy-let me know which you prefer!