Detox Your Judgement with Dione Lockyer

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Cognitive therapist Dione Lockyer

We have all been there at some point in our lives. You meet a friend for coffee or lunch, you’re enjoying the atmosphere and company whilst having a good catch up. You start by telling each other how your weeks been, what you’ve been up to and then it starts…
Did you hear about………? Or have you heard the latest about…….?
Yes, I’m talking about gossip!
It may start off as an innocent conversation, but then in comes your opinion and judgement on the matter.

It’s almost as if it has become a part of modern-day society, but the question is, why do we judge other people and their lives? Why do we feel we have the right to an opinion?
Its simple really, it all starts with YOU!

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When we feel the need to look at other peoples lives and judge what they are doing, it is due to the fact that there is something going on in our own lives that we are not ready to admit to. This may be something as far back as childhood or even recent events. You may have been told you’re not pretty enough, not brave enough, not intelligent enough. This produces a feeling of self-doubt, a sense of loneliness, fear and a lack of self-worth.

Then the ego takes over!

In order to make ourselves feel better, we start to create an opinion of others. We start to judge their decisions in life. It could be anything from what they wear, who they’re dating, how they parent their children. We become so attached to this feeling that we become separated from our true self. It almost becomes an addictive drug!
The more we judge others, the less chance we have of looking at the real, raw and honest feelings that we feel and the reasons behind them. You avoid your own wounds and numb your own pain. It feels easier that way.


The truth is we can overcome this by simply asking ourselves 4 questions;

1. What and whom am I judging?
2. How does this judgement make me feel?
3. Why do I feel justified in this judgement?
4. What moment in my life triggered me to feel justified in this judgement?


By asking ourselves these questions, we are able to witness our judgement, honour the feeling, forgive ourselves and learn to heal.

I urge each one of my wonderful readers to give this exercise a try. The moment you feel the need to judge another, put pen to paper and answer the questions above. Be descriptive. Write every detail that comes to your mind. Witness the feelings you experience. It may feel uncomfortable at first but trust in the process.

If you wish to take this a step further and learn the healing process in detail, feel free to email coachingwithdione@gmail.com.




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