Big relief after a strange week but a little more tired than usual

20th March

WELL I mentioned in my last blog that I felt like I was in a boat paddling madly upstream, and at some times against the current, but today I feel I have emerged.

The sunshine hasn’t quite come out for me which I think is more down to the torrential rain we have been having! Never mind I am certainly not going to complain because you can count the number of days it rains a year on two hands here in Andalucia!

I had a strange week all in all. The biggest relief was that I didn’t succumb to a fever and the aches and pains were much lighter than the effects of the last chemo treatment. I have noticed I am a little more tired than usual, but I imagine that must be an accumulative effect of nearly five months of chemotherapy, so to be expected.

I think I have about three eyelashes left and hardly any eyebrows now, so I look a little strange! The hair on my head is sprouting away and I look like a little gosling! All fluffy and a different colour! Too many greys for my liking, but I have sustained a huge amount of pressure and stress over the last few years so something has to give!

I can always experiment with new hair colours in the future but it is obviously not advisable until the hair growth is much stronger.

It is hard to believe that all things being well I will finish my chemo next month. I have an appointment with my surgeon next month too so I feel like I am making progress. I am a patient person, but at times it is difficult because all you want to do is get better and get on with life.

It is the same for the children. We are in a holding pattern at the moment taking each week as it comes. The mind, heart, body and soul are strange things.

You think you know yourself but when you suffer a trauma of some kind you find yourself reacting in ways completely foreign to you. I am normally in control at all times and very philosophical and realistic.

This week, however, has been a roller coaster of emotions for me primarily as I watch my children struggle to come to terms with losing their father. I too have had teary moments. My daughter has become anxious and very clingy emotionally, which is understandable. My son has his distant moments and then returns from the blue yonder when things come back into focus for him.

Both continue to keep their heads down, study hard and press on with life. I admire them hugely, but each day there is always an event or a moment that threatens to tumble them. Yesterday was Father’s Day here in Spain. So they had to endure a day at school with everyone making presents and cards for their Dads. Then there were the endless TV adverts. The stark reminders went on at every turn.

They got through the day and I am thankful it is Friday today so they can rest as they both are mentally and physically exhausted.

I will spend the weekend doing ‘fun things’ with them and look forward to Easter and the imminent arrival of spring which always brings so much hope.