‘Sorry Jane, you should be in the life boat’

TOTAL LET-DOWN: Cruising With Jane McDonald. TOTAL LET-DOWN: Cruising With Jane McDonald.

WE have to remember that although it’s been cooler in Spain recently, the UK is shivering, so I thought I would ask a couple of friends visiting from Milton Keynes (recent visit to escape the cold) what they had been watching as the temperature plummeted. 

Now, Graham and Robert are no nonsense TV people. They know what they like and they stick with what they know. So why, please why, did they recommend I catch up with Cruising With Jane McDonald, final episode Friday April 2, Channel 5? 

I like Jane McDonald, I like rivers and water, I like travelling and don’t even mind ships where very small cabins with even smaller balconies are now called Staterooms, but I did not enjoy Jane’s trip along the Mekong in Vietnam. 

Everyone, but everyone on the ship not only knows Jane, but seems to be a signed up fan club member. It put me in mind of eating foods which lower cholesterol. We all know we should like them, there is no reason to dislike them, but as soon as the cameras are turned off, we are back to cheese and crackers to finish a meal. 

Jane is travelling the Mississippi in the final show. Two predictions, firstly she is going to walk around in a shawl which could pass at any decent Sunday market on the Costas as a tablecloth and second, she is going to close the show belting out something by Elvis. I won’t know if I’m right about Elvis or the tablecloth because I can’t watch Jane be educated about the biggest maximum security prison in the US or sugar plantations. I don’t much like Elvis songs either. 

Gogglebox, Channel 4, Fridays was back last week. This is cheese and crackers TV and I love it. 

Leon isn’t gracing the Gogglebox screens this time around, but I just know he’s sitting somewhere in a massive armchair saying just what he thinks about TV and telling June, in his own unique way, just how much he still loves her. Thank you Mr Bernicoff. 

In separate news, one half of the Brighton hairdressing duo has announced he is leaving the show to chase a TV career. Oh dear, this won’t end well. Chris Butland-Steed (the one with the better beard) hasn’t thought this one through.

Paul O’Grady already has any shows Chris might think he could be part of in the bag. Good luck though Chris. 

This week I also wanted to say ‘thank you’ to Emma Chambers, who sadly passed away aged just 53. Emma was and always will be Alice Tinker, the Verger to the Vicar of Dibley. Try not to smile when you remember that wedding dress. 

I don’t know how much of the BBC’s Winter Olympics coverage you have caught, but I have been blown away by most of the action in the freezing South Korean temperatures. The competitors equally match their Summer Games counterparts and if the reaction to Spain’s first medal at the Winter Games in 26 years is anything to go by, the Winter Olympiad will continue to go from strength to strength. 

Looking ahead, fellow Geordies Ant and Dec continue their Saturday Night Takeaway with the 100th offering this Saturday. The seemingly joined at the hip Alfie Boe and Michael Ball are the stars of the end of the show, and Scarlett Moffatt shows that she is more than Gogglebox with a surprise for a family who don’t know what’s coming - do we believe that?

Happy viewing.

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