SARAH TOOLEY

Two Boys and a Husband

IN hospital, last Saturday I awoke from an afternoon slumber with an 82-year-old German lesbian gently stroking and patting my left knee. She was my room mate. Her name was Nina and she was really quite elegant and I liked the stroking. Plus she was good company and fluent in…
IT was the school half-term last week so we nipped over to the UK. We arrived in London a little tired and frazzled, but we did it! We're not big planners Nick and I, but there is a lot of family to see and we're only here for four days.…

Poker mum Go!

October 13, 2017
THE nights are drawing in, so Nick and I play some games. The problem is Nick beats me at chess, Scrabble, draughts, backgammon and Go Fish. Basically everything. This irks because it suggests he is cleverer than me. Irritatingly he even comes a few points above me in a plain…
WE went to Marbella for brunch today and I have realised I am definitely a snob. Nick has tried to tell me this on numerous occasions and I always deny it voraciously. It´s not really very fashionable to admit to being a snob is it? But I'm doing it. Marbella…
LIKE many mothers (I assume... but have never asked) I am continuously on the look-out for a special and genius talent in my children that I can exploit. If it is not a talent I can make lots of money from (they owe us), at least I can feel pride…

The F word

September 21, 2017
IN my continued attempts to be a tiger mother and get the boys speaking Spanish I have banned English radio in the car. The problem with this, (there are always problems with my plans), they don't play radio versions of songs and swear words are abundant. The other day the…
JUAN the gardener is outside and I have retreated to my bedroom. Nick and I share, but I always refer to it as "my bedroom". He tells me off for this but after 11 years it continues to make no difference. The reason for my retreat? Juan saw me naked…
SCHOOL started this week and I need to swot up on the fellow-parents' names. In my attempts to be nice I just get muddled. Nick has taken to standing behind me in the playground and like the queen's aides backstage at the Royal Variety Show he will whisper pertinent information…
WE have been holidaying in London and having a great time catching up with friends and family. There is just one problem - we have been in our AirBnB flat for more than a week now and it needs cleaning. I live with three messy males and I don't like…
WE live in constant fear of a cyber attack from our eldest, Harry, aged just nine. Last night, he merrily told us that if he had Daddy's password, he'd "buy everything on the internet." Being his mother, I already knew this. I am careful. When typing in passwords, I make…
ON Sunday, there was a rumble at the skate park, well when I say "rumble" I mean tussle. I'm not sure it even counts as that... maybe someone got pushed off a skateboard. I was watching Harry, my eldest, scoot about doing tricks and missed the incident (annoying). What happened…

The Boss

August 11, 2017
TEAM TOOLEY is a team with a hierarchy. I am the boss. Nick is middle management. I value his input but there is a long established glass ceiling. The boys are minions and have virtually no say in anything whatsoever. Nick's role (like many dads) is the fun and physical…

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