Watch out! You may be caught wearing only a smile on Google Street View!

IN THE BUFF: Your secret is safe with me. IN THE BUFF: Your secret is safe with me.

THE recent General Election, with its reports from all over the UK, brought home some memories of old haunts, especially of former, err, homes.

So, idly Google-MapsStreet-Viewing, I zoomed in on one home which was sold to a couple with small boys. Oh, look, I moan to myself, they’ve taken down my beautiful shutters (so difficult to fit), painted the front door red (was pristine white) and installed window boxes (definitely out of proportion).

Plus some god-ugly goalposts for the kids in the garden... Finally tearing myself away from No 21, I turn my attention to No 23 to check if that’s also become a renovation project. New windows, new coat of paint, new driveway I note absentmindedly. About to turn away - already getting a bit bored - when something in No 23’s rear garden catches my eye. What’s that pallid, lumpy mass beside one of the high walls dividing the properties? I zoom in even closer. And all’s revealed.

Taking advantage of the unexpectedly bright, sunny day of filming and unknowingly caught in its unforgiving glare are our neighbours, Jill and Johnnie. Lying protected by high walls from neighbours’ prying eyes but not the camera’s - in the buff!

Well, JJ, it could have been worse. Pity that poor bloke caught on camera being arrested, another coming out of a sex shop, the yobbo vomiting while his mate’s relieving himself on a hedge and the couple caught …well, you know.

Street View maps reveal all sorts of scenes of ordinary daily life depicting all sorts of people caught in all sorts of places they’re not meant to be - images available to anyone, remember.

But don’t worry, JJ, you know your secret’s safe with me. Lucky (for you) it hasn’t gone on Instagram ... yet!

Finally, many thanks to all of you who purchased my crime thrillers (all profits, as you know, to Costa del Sol Cudeca cancer charity), following my piece here two weeks ago about why and how people lie - and the impact this has on others – a subject that’s always fascinated me and inspired all my novels. And keep those donations going to Cudeca!

Nora Johnson’s psychological/suspense crime thrillers ‘No Way Back,’ ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ ( available from Amazon in paperback/eBook (€0.99;£0.99) and iBookstore.

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