Colin Bird

COLIN BIRD
Each week, Colin brings his slightly off-the-wall view of the world to the pages of EWN in his own irreverent style.

Each year we look forward with genuine pleasure to receiving Christmas cards from friends and acquaintances both here and overseas. In particular from our very close friends, but also those who we perhaps knew for only a short time, or with whom we shared special moments in years gone by,…
Computers. How I hate them. My ancient machine (I have been reliably informed that three years old is positively geriatric) has decided to play silly beggars again, with photographs and texts looking stretched and distorted. It has done this before; it starts without warning, then quite suddenly, days or weeks…
I have so far resisted the temptation to become involved in the debate regarding the run up to the Presidential Election in the United States. It’s not really my brief and besides, there are others writing on the subject who are far more erudite than me. However, with the result…
WE have just returned from Italy, the land of large arm gestures, small cars and even smaller coffees, as our friend Adrian observed when presented with a tiny glass cup, containing a half inch of cowering espresso. We agreed later that he should have asked for a fresh cup because…
I BELIEVE that laughter is the bedrock of firm friendships. Abiding memories of my time living in Bermuda involve laughter, endless parties, glorious dark rum and yet more laughter. The people I shared my life with in that wonderful place are still, 40 years on, among my best and most…
I like cycling. Cycling is a good way to get around, keep fit and have fun. Moreover, once you have acquired your treader, it’s cheap to run and does not muck up the environment. But why do some cyclists believe that the rules of the road simply do not apply…
HAND on heart, I am not the least bit superstitious. I came to the conclusion long ago that we are all responsible for our own destiny. In fact I reached this decision as a teenager, on the day I deliberately avoided walking under a ladder by stepping into the road,…
October 14 marks the 950th anniversary of the Battle of Hastings. Doesn’t time fly! Harold Godwinson had only been King of England since January 6 when he faced and defeated the armies of Harald Hardrader, the Norwegian King, and Earl Tostig at Stamford Bridge near York on September 25, 1066.…
I HAD been hearing alarm bells for some time. That’s nothing unusual where you have properties that remain unoccupied for months on end, often sounding false alarms. Some are so sensitive that a sparrow breaking wind in Alicante will trigger that infernal high pitched peeping that drives everybody nuts. But…
There is always one member in any group of blokes, who stands out in the crowd through his style and personality. ‘Flash’ is a common adjective used to describe such individuals. I am talking here of young men, and a time gone by when trouser waistlines got as low as…
AFTER 10 years in Spain, I have never lost my love for the English countryside; the quirkiness of our traditions and the incredible history of our islands. Nor during the long hot summer months here, have I lost the desire for my all- time favourite English cream tea, with freshly…
I REMEMBER once having a discussion with the Methodist minister in the Suffolk village where we lived. His answer to the charge that religion had been the justification for more wars than any other factor in human history, was it was man who precipitated wars, not their beliefs. At the…
THERE are many people who take pleasure in ridiculing vegetarians. One of the regular jibes is that humans need the protein and nutrients that only meat can provide (incorrect) and veggies, they hint, are at best, limp-wristed, sandal-wearing tree huggers, with sallow complexions and bad breath. But just take a…
I don’t know about you, but I reached a point of total confusion some time ago about what we should and should not eat and drink, how much exercise we should take and a host of other do’s and don’ts that seem to change with the seasons. I adopted an…
I am ecstatic! The Princess has just labelled me a grumpy old man. Just like that and all because I dared to refer to her favourite bloke, Daniel Craig, as a wuss. If it wasn’t for advancing years and a hard unforgiving tiled floor, I would attempt a backflip. As…
I DON’T know why I bother doing the Euro Millions lottery, although I refuse to participate every week, and certainly not immediately after it has been won. I mean, hey, what can you buy for €15 million these days? No, I prefer to wait until the jackpot has built up…
WE have recently returned from England where we attended the wedding of one of my grandsons. We gave ourselves a few extra days in which we met up with some old muckers from my jack-the-lad days and I took the princess on a tour of the beautiful countryside of West…
IT seems to me that the humble sparrow has always been present at key moments in my life. It came home to me many years ago. Having just arrived in Bermuda and taken a phone call at the airport that my new boss, who was coming to collect me, had…
IT is unusual this time of the year for us to be still taking our morning walks, and by now we are normally well into our pre-breakfast swimming regime. With the excessive windy conditions that we have been experiencing, the temperature of the pool has plummeted, and being a bit…
OVER a 30-year period, before Spain, we were owned by several Siamese cats, each of them a totally different character with a distinctive and often eccentric personality. All pet owners recognise that whether it’s a cat, dog or bison, all of them have their own unmistakable characteristics and individuality. Whatever…

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