Today, I know what feeling well is and I fight for it every day. Sometimes, I actually succeed.
When I try to explain what it’s like to be bipolar, I talk about trust, the one thing I think makes us different.
It’s hard to trust a mind that has let you down and caused you and the ones you love so much pain. It’s hard to trust a mind that has left scars on your body. It’s hard to trust that people will understand when you talk about your story. It’s hard to trust you’ll be well again.
One thought that always haunts me when I am well is “how long have I got until I’m not well again?” I can’t ever make grand plans to accomplish things because I am afraid, I am going to fall apart again. I tend to think it’s better not to try, but a life like this feels empty. I have to trust that I can accomplish something, despite the mood swings and the fear of not being well again.
For people with bipolar disorder, whose minds have fooled them more than once, who spend their lives dodging bullets it’s tough to put yourself out there. Every day, I promise I will try. I will trust that I perfectly imperfect. I won’t let the dull routine of staying safe and quiet become the status quo. I will do what I can to the best of my ability.
I have come a long way in my recovery, and I have a story to tell. Trust in your voice, and tell your story. The world needs to hear it.
You are not alone.
Love Ms Bipolar x