Family Heartbroken as Single Mum With Dementia Doesn’t Remember Her Kids Anymore

Read the heartbreaking story of a daughter that knew something was wrong with her mum but the doctors put it down to depression.

“You have to watch the person you love literally fade away right in front of your eyes”- daughter Leanne Statham.

A family has shared the heartbreaking reality of living with an invisible illness after their mum was diagnosed with dementia aged just 56. Leanne Statham said she knew something wasn’t right when Elaine Deponeo couldn’t remember how to fill in the tax return for her car.

The single mum-of-two, from Ellesmere Port, who was 54 at the time, had worked in “high powered jobs” all her life, as a bookmaker and the joint owner of a taxi firm, before she then went on to work for the NHS.

However, subtle signs started creeping in that Elaine might be unwell after she couldn’t remember the way back to the hotel during a family holiday in Thailand and struggled to order food at a restaurant. Leanne, 33, encouraged her mum to go to see her GP back in August 2017 and she was referred for further tests over the following seven months.

Despite showing signs of dementia, Leanne believes Elaine was “fobbed off” due to her age and the condition was mistaken as depression. Three years later and Elaine, now 57, no longer remembers who her children are anymore and was moved into a care home last week. Leanne said: “Dementia rips your family apart. You have to watch the person you love literally fade away right in front of your eyes and for this to happen while fighting for the correct care is utterly heartbreaking.”

Leanne Statham

“I spoke to the doctors privately and expressed my concerns. Obviously, they couldn’t give any information about my mum but I think they brushed it off because of her age. Someone was then sent out from the mental health team to assess her in her own home.

“They delved into her divorce from over 20 years ago and so much stuff that you don’t necessarily want to bring back up and they were adamant that she was depressed. I spoke to the social worker afterwards and she told me ‘I needed to get my head out of the clouds, my mum was depressed.’

“Ten months after we first thought that something was wrong she couldn’t draw me a clock and put that it was four o’clock – that’s one of the assessments they ask you to do. I’d ask her to pass me the butter in the kitchen and she couldn’t do that.”

In October 2019, after a two-year fight, Elaine was finally diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia but the barriers the family had faced sadly didn’t end there. “The specialists for dementia work under the older persons team but they only see patients who are 65 and older. If you’re under 65 you’re dealt with under the adult mental health team.”

Elaine sadly no longer remembers who her children and other family members are, and Leanne has made a photo album of her life to help with her memories. She said: “The moment your mum looks you in the eyes and no longer recognises you it’s just heartbreaking. I feel like I’ve lost my mum, I feel like I’m grieving. She’s only 57 – my heart actually hurts.

Leanne said she struggled to find any organisations that could provide support for her mum or groups where she could socialise with those of a similar age.