How can I, someone with Bipolar have a column and not go completely insane? I know that when ever I write something down, even my shopping list, I have to write it out 4 times before it’s right, even tear the pages out and start again! Crossing it out makes it stand out,so that’s not an option writing over the error makes the mistake even more obvious..
I’m not catastrophising… this is a real curse!
So just like this column, I sometimes worry that I may come across as being self absorbed, selfish or full of my self. Whether people find me annoying or simply are just not bothered about reading my column.
However, I am learning that my lists are just like my life… it’s okay to make mistakes, cross them out, scribble with a different colour and even make a mess of it. Not everything has to be perfect.
You can take that mistake or messiness and find the lesson and move on. You have to move on because it can’t be undone, but if you sit with the error and let it become part of you, it’s then that you find the reason it happened and you can move on from it.
I write everything down, things I need to do, things I need to buy, list of things I’d like to do but most likely won’t ever do, absolutely everything!. It helps me keep on track. I don’t always get around to all of my to do’s, but it helps me focus. I tend to get side tracked quite a lot ( who would have thought! ). I actually breathe more and stress less because my day is planned and my lists are made, Ieven make adjustments.
Im beginning to not care about the scribbles and see past the messiness. It didn’t make me less of a person. I didn’t feel out of control. There hasn’t been a major life threatening event because I spelt something incorrectly. It feels like freedom.
So here I am, throwing my self to this weeks column. I’ve spilt my drink over me, I’ve worried about what to write and what not to write. So for gods sake – if you make a mistake , make it big – cross that sh*t out and move on!
Love Ms Bipolar X