I’m back at the start but different!

I’m sat in the coffee shop with my Mum & Dad waiting to go in – I’m back at the Mental Health Hospital – damn COVID has meant they cant come in with me and I have to go in alone.

I feel excited as I have waited so long for an appointment, nervous because I know what is coming next, the leg is going up and down like mad and by this point and I can feel my eyes filling up.

Breathe – I get up from the table and walk towards the building. Heart is racing, hands are trembling, the entrance has changed – its not where its has always been, its around the back.

Why change it? I cant get in – I’m going to be late, I cant be late.

I am once again sat on those cold green metal chairs, the tiles on the wall are cold.

I wish I wasn’t sat there alone, I haven’t had to be here for a long time. I see a friendly face, the nurse that looked after me when I was so poorly in hospital. – Breathe

Plucking up courage to approach my psychiatrist to admit defeat, I need help, I have tried but I am now tired of trying.

Sat in the Doctors office, she has known me right from the start, 9 years now.

I can feel my heart slowing down, I feel safe, I’m glad to see her. She smiles but I can see the worry on her face. She knows that if I am back with her, I am not in a good place.

She listens to me – congratulates me on how far I’ve come, how much I have matured from that scared little girl. I am now a woman who knows herself, and admits when I need help.

She doesn’t just shove me on medication and sends me on my way – no – she listens, she explains what we need to do next in order to help me get through this.

I have done this before , I will do it again – Better days are coming, I don’t know when but they will.

If you feel alone, don’t forget you can always reach out on the email address below or follow me on Facebook @Mswillowbipolar

Love,
Ms Bipolar xxx