The ups and downs of parenthood alone is enough to make anyone feel ‘Barmy’ let alone juggling parenthood and a mental illness and all that comes with it. Life as a Bipolar Mama.
My to-do list is never ending: school run, go to work, make sure I remember to send my daughter in with an extra pair of socks for her Gymnastics after school activity (I forgot to this week-major mum guilt), food shop, deal with the dog & the cat, a bit of light dusting & sweep up the clumps of dog hair that seem to form no matter how many times I sweep, get dinner on, help her with her homework, make sure school bag is packed for the next day, shower-time and bedtime.
That sums up pretty much every regular Mamas day, now through into the mix : a panic attack because I’m 3 minutes late leaving the house even though I have allowed for this to go horribly wrong because I always plan for worse case scenario, yet I can’t control the overwhelming feeling and I’m now trying to hold back the tears until I at least drop my daughter at school just so she doesn’t see.
Go to work-it’s been a great day, had a sale and met some lovely people, I’m happy, birds are chirping and skipping on my way home.
Get home and the big black cloud comes over me, I had planned on cooking a tasty lasagne but I’m too tired and just want the day to be over, I can’t cope with anything else today.
I just want it to be dark enough to be able to go to bed, I get into bed and all of a sudden, I’m in floods of tears and I don’t know why. Crazy right!?
But it was a good day, wasn’t it?!
And this is the thing, I have no control over these feelings and thoughts.
Being a bipolar single mama has its challenges like any parent I lose the plot sometimes. I do find it easier now to hold my hands up and admit when I need help. When I am a bit stressed, and thankfully my wobbles are small these days on the whole, I have a great support network, and so does my daughter.
I am so thankful for the amazing relationship with my daughter and the older she gets, the more she understands and the easier I am finding it to explain everything to her. Mama doesn’t want to cry but sometimes she has to, to let it all out and start again. Some days we can go to the park and eat ice cream , some days Mama needs to simply go home , sit there and breathe.
When we can, we can ; when we cant, we cant.
I’d love to hear how you manage parenthood and your mental illness. Don’t forget you can email me or follow me on FB @mswillowbipolar
Love Ms Bipolar x
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