Well here we are – day gawd knows what of the lockdown – and I’d like to tell you all the amazing things I have achieved during my confinement. I’d like to, but I can’t because I have done sweet Fanny Adams. I’ve watched all these inspirational people on TV doing yoga, dancing, making incredible stuff out of, well mostly, insides of 200 toilet rolls. As I’m writing this some geezer is about to show me how to make gardening stuff out of some recyclable plastic bottles and other assorted bits and bobs that I don’t actually have. I live in an apartment and I’m not even allowed in the garden!
I’m going to share a secret with you. On the 22 March, the clocks went forward. I have a clock by the side of my bed and I haven’t been arsed to change it yet. I’m waiting till I’m really bored and that will become the highlight of my day, maybe my week, who knows. Every day my phone is busy with jokes and pictures all my good friends want to share with me. Some are great, some are absolute nonsense. Anything over a minute I probably won’t watch. Oh and please stop with the 5G conspiracy theories which, on one video I watched, turned out to be someone trying to sell cryptocurrency. On the plus side, I’ve checked the mileage on my car and I’m now getting four weeks to the gallon on my fuel consumption.
I went through my man drawer and found lots of wires and chargers. Some of the leads were still in the original plastic. How can you possibly dispose of something that’s never been opened? The four odd flat battery things might be useful and for some insane reason, I found myself seeing if I could charge my Nokia 3120. Oh and the spare key for a car I sold in 1997 that must be useful I’m sure.
Here’s something that is going to put everything into some kind of perspective. Willie Nelson, who is 86, has had four wives, seven children, 350 albums and his own line in marijuana. On a show the other day he said this is the weirdest thing he’s ever seen and, believe me, he’s done some weird stuff. I have to go now because I have lots of things I’m nearly going to do today. Or I might just find another box set to watch.