Oh to be a fly…

If ever I wanted to be a fly, I would have happily surrendered any one of my half dozen legs to be on the wallpaper of the young Sussexes’ abode over the last few weeks. Let’s just pretend we are all precariously perched on the flock, listening to the happy couple discussing their future together.  ‘Meghan.’

‘Well, that’s it Harry. I’ve just about had it up to here with all this royalty crap.’ ‘Yes dear.’ ‘Having to be nice to people I can’t stand and actually rub noses with disgusting smelly peasants I wouldn’t normally allow near me is just not my idea of touring at all.’ ‘No dear.’ ‘I can’t even pursue my career.

I’m a star Harry, people want to see me act, not having to ad lib and appear in videos I don’t even get paid for.’ ‘No dear.’ ‘And as for your ghastly Grandparents, you didn’t honestly think I was going to spend my Christmas sitting around with that pair of cobwebs did you? They’ll both be dead soon anyway.

I’m used to being around interesting people like Oprah and the Clooneys or Michelle Obama and Serena.  People who really mean something in the world. And as for you’re boring brother and that sweetie pie wife of his.

If you think I’m going to spend my future curtsying and kowtowing to those two when they become King and Queen then you’ve another think coming.’  ‘No dear.’

‘I’m sorry Harry; you have to make the choice; me or them?’ ‘You; of course dear.’ ‘There you are. There’s a good boy, I knew you’d see sense.

Would you like to come to bed now? ‘ ‘Yes dear.’ ‘Say pretty please.’ ‘Pretty please.’ ‘There, that’s better.’ You can announce it all on Kate’s birthday tomorrow, that’ll be some nice icing on her cake! I’ll be leaving for Canada first thing in the morning. It’s within easier reach of Hollywood and I can join up with Archie and the dogs.

‘Oh by the way, I think we should keep the house. It’ll be good for our occasional British stopover. Take care of that would you?’ ‘Yes dear.’ Have you finished Harry?’  ‘Yes thank you dear.’ ‘Sleepy byes now then. Put the light out Harry.’ ‘Yes dear.’ ‘Now, what am I going to wear tomorrow’…

Told you she had him by the short and curlies. Well, is she good for him or bad? Actually the jury is still out on that one. Let’s just hope that all these selfish shenanigans are not the final nail for our ageing Queen. If this self-centered egotist is only remembered for hastening the demise of our beloved Monarch, she will never be forgiven.

Getting quite excited about my pending radio show. Don’t expect any LBC type serious discussions. This is gonna be Leapy’s alter ego. Lottsa fun, frolics and good music. (Yes, old Marmite is perfectly capable!) All details and links in a couple of weeks.

Keep the faith
Love Leapy
Leapylee2002@gmail.com