‘IF your cat doesn’t respond when you call, it’s not because it doesn’t recognise its name. It’s because it doesn’t respect you and instead views your life with, at best, cold indifference.’
This according to another ‘MOBO’ study (Masters of the Bleeding Obvious). I mean, everyone knows this about cats: ‘A dog to adore you, a cat to ignore you.’ (Authors unknown – probably Profs Paddypaws, Fluff and Tiddles).
Cats have their undoubted qualities and my cat, bless him, is true to form. But, frankly, I prefer dogs so comparing the two would be a rather odd, pointless exercise, a bit like judging Boris Johnson by the attributes required to be a world class ballerina.
The late Christopher Hitchens described the differences similarly: “Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realise that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods.”
How true! In fact, never forget that your dog loves you more than your partner does! If you want to test the theory, put your dog in the boot of the car, drive for 20 miles and he’ll jump out, bounce around, lick your face and show you how much he loves you.
Repeat the experiment, putting your partner in the boot for 20 miles. See how they greet you. (Illustration only. Please DO NOT try this at home!)
Custody over pets is increasingly figuring in divorce proceedings and one in 20 pet-owning couples now reportedly have a pet-nup detailing everything from contact time to grooming parlours. No way could I stand losing my cat AND dog! Absolutely no way!
Even the thought is sending shivers down my spine – just as much as my latest thriller ‘Betrayal’ (now available in audiobook) does!
Nurse, over here with the meds please! Quick as you can. I need a cup of tea and a lie down in a cool, dark room NOW!
Nora Johnson’s psychological crime thrillers ‘Betrayal,’ ‘The Girl in the Woods,’ ‘The Girl in the Red Dress,’ ‘No Way Back,’ ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.net) available online as ebook (€0.99;£0.99), ibook, paperback and audiobook. All profits to Costa del Sol Cudeca cancer charity .