Hey, wake up! Study uncovers yet more useless bits of research!

I WAS, as you’d expect, minded to write about the Middle East this week or, if not that, the UK PM wannabes or, failing that, the latest gaffe/threat of the Trump regime, but fortunately I came across a story of real AND international importance.

The story I spotted was that scientists have discovered that coffee doesn’t just keep you alert; it keeps you alive. As little as two cups of coffee a day can raise your life expectancy by as much as TWO years, reducing the risk of cancer, heart problems and even neurodegenerative brain diseases. Wow!

Well, not exactly another MOBO study (Masters Of the Bleeding Obvious), but I’d really love to read the methodology section of this ‘research.’ What nonsense, and how did they come up with such a random number even if TWO years is in anyway believable. Walking every day will do that for you and more. And it’s ridiculous to ignore the number of other variables in someone’s dietary habits and lifestyle to focus simply on a single item.

And next week: too much coffee will be bad for your haemorrhoids! Just what ARE these researchers drinking to come up with such conclusions? Nonetheless, I love coffee so I’m just going to accept it. Now all I need is to find studies with similar conclusions on alcohol and dairy…

So, along with fake news and fake facts, we also have this so-called scientific ‘research’ from which scientists take the facts they like best, gently and carefully manipulate them, ignoring anything ‘inconvenient’ or likely to give a contrary impression. Paid for by big business with highly trained professionals happy to do anything for the money. In the end, it’s all about telling porkies, isn’t it? And telling porkies can even be extremely profitable these days.

In other news, researchers discover a link between the Pope and Catholicism. And the Marriage Foundation says marriage is good for you. Well, who’d have thought? 

As always, I am available to solve any of the world’s remaining problems, for a small fee (#piousface)…

Nora Johnson’s psychological crime thrillers ‘Betrayal,’ ‘The Girl in the Woods,’ ‘The Girl in the Red Dress,’ ‘No Way Back,’ ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.net) available from Amazon in paperback/eBook (€0.99;£0.99) and iBookstore. All profits to Costa del Sol Cudeca cancer charity.