HI kids, This is your trendy Dad telling you how much I love you and how much I enjoyed speaking to you all at my recent appearance at Glastonbury.
You will not be aware of it, but this was a realisation of my dream back in the 60’s when, much to my chagrin, my aspirations toward Guru’ism fell on totally deaf ears.
Thank you, all my children.
Right, on to more important issues.
This year, or hopefully next, I have decided to enter for the Father of the Year awards.
When the time comes, I hope, when you hear of all the wonderful surprises I have lined up, you will have no hesitation in voting me a clear winner and new occupant of a beautiful house in the centre of London, which unfortunately 99.9 per cent of you will never see the inside of.
Rest assured though, Diana and I will be very happy there and, although a little decadent, no more or less than we deserve after all the years of hypocrisy and planning it has taken to realise our dreams.
The first thing I want to offer you is the cancelation and dismantling of all the UK’s nuclear capabilities. After all, who wants to kill and maim millions of fellow human beings?
The fact that we will then have no defence against those who want to kill millions of us, is no problem as I’m sure they will grow to love us when we poke our flowers down the barrels of their guns!
Next, I want to offer you all free education. I will pay for everyone and, even if you are total numbskulls, give all an equal opportunity to attend universities for as long as you like, and what’s more I’ll throw in free food as well.
Next, if you don’t feel the need to work, I will supply you with enough money to keep you in food, fags and beer and, particularly if you have large numbers of children, enough money to live the life of Riley and even spend some constructive leisure time in the betting shops.
If your friends from countries across the world want to come here for extended sleep overs, I will make sure they have enough money and free hand outs to stay as long as they like, even if many of them would like you all dead or serving a different cultural existence altogether.
Every worker’s wage will go up and, when I take over all the public transport companies, travel will be cheap and even free for everyone.
How is your old Dad going to pay for all these goodies I hear you ask?
Well it really is quite simple. After I’ve finished robbing all those rich b******s, I’ll simply borrow the rest.
When it all goes pear shaped I’ll then do what we have always done, let those we hate the most pick up all the pieces. No problem.
So, there you have it.
All this and more awaits at the end of my rainbow.
All you have to do is vote for me.
Thank you, my children.
Peace and love to you all.
Keep the faith Love Leapy / email@example.com
Leapy Lee’s opinions are his own and are not necessarily representative of those of the publishers, advertisers or sponsors