Snubs, flops & fashion fiascos

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Margaret Thatcher poses for Vogue in 1984.

IF you could see inside my head, you’d find some profoundly insightful thoughts about the EU’s Brexit negotiation tactics.

Before you got there, though, you’d find the following: are Theresa May’s ‘Legs-it’ skirts too short (shorter

even than Jeremy Corbyn’s defence pledges) and should she have posed for Vogue (and, on a previous occasion, in those ‘Trousergate’ leather trousers)?

But like or loathe her, she’s weaponised her wardrobe for the battle ahead, with all hems blazing. Tim Bell, the advertising guru, was asked to compare the PM with his former boss. “Well I don’t think Thatcher would have posed for Vogue,” he claimed, snubbing Mrs May. Wrong! Mrs T did four shoots for Vogue, with David Bailey and Mario Testino, including one interview (when Bell worked as her adviser) that began:“I am passionately interested in

fashion.”

But Thatcher didn’t dally (or do selfies/belfies like today’s slebs) in front of the mirror, and was good to go in four minutes flat.

As for slebs, remember that most of the time we see them, they’ll be benefiting from designer clothes, fashion stylists, flattering lighting etc. Clearly, most (though not all) are good-looking, but it’d be hard not to look fabulous when you have a team of professionals (celebrity make-up artists, hair stylists, photographers) whose job it is to do just that.

A friend who used to work in the fashion industry in Paris claims that many models look relatively ordinary in ‘real life’ (except for their height), but spend an hour in hair and make-up, stand in front of a camera and wind machine, and t h e y ’ r e stunners.

And a final rant: all those ‘beach ready’ articles everywhere now. Why do we let ourselves be exposed to such body-shaming propaganda?

It reminds me of the splendid put-down about relationships by Blanche, Deirdre Barlow’s mother in Coronation Street.

“Good looks are a curse,” she reassured her daughter. “You and Kenneth should count yourselves lucky.’’

So, do excuse me, won’t you, while I totter off to get my body ‘beach ready’ – modelled loosely on that of the occasional whale washed-up here on Spain’s beaches…

Nora Johnson’s psychological/suspense crime thrillers ‘No Way Back,’ ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.net) available from Amazon in paperback/eBook (€0.99;£0.99) and iBookstore. All profits to Costa del Sol Cudeca cancer charity.

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