Stop press! Is Theresa May after a hard Brexit or soft crexit?

NEWS that Theresa May is giving up crisps for Lent – salt and vinegar variety, since you ask – made me wonder what else people are giving up.

Is Jeremy Corbyn giving up trying to lead the Labour Party, or is that just the impression he seems to give? And, as for Sir Philip Green, is he giving up £363 million to hang on to his knighthood? Reports that the retail billionaire had a scrabble down the back of the sofa on one of his many yachts to bail out the BHS pension scheme in a deal to salvage his reputation – and keep his gong – positively makes his the most expensive knighthood in history. (Will David Beckham be reaching for his chequebook now too?)

A knight of the realm who’s already opened his chequebook is Sir James Dyson, a self-made billionaire who’s putting billions back into the economy, innovating and creating thousands of new jobs. Unlike Sir Philip, also a self-made billionaire, but most of whose money has ended up in Monaco and not in the UK where thousands of people have lost their jobs. We could do with many more like Sir James and fewer like Sir Philip.

Someone else who seems to have given up something for Lent – in his case, common sense – is the Royle Family actor, Ricky Tomlinson, who’s accused the ‘most indiscreet’ late TV Countdown presenter, Richard Whiteley, of being an undercover agent for MI5, having helped jail him and other striking workers in the 70s (the jury having been ‘swayed’ by an ITV documentary featuring him,Red Under theBed, fronted by Whiteley). A true Kremlin conundrum…

Finally, and back to Mrs May’s crisps, if you take a packet and scrunch the contents to tiny bits (soft crexit?), you’ll have no problem giving them up – not just for Lent but for life. Ugh!

I find a far better way is to give yourself a 100 per cent chance of success and guaranteed bragging rights. Which is why I’ve decided to give up broccoli for Lent. I hate broccoli. Always have. 

Nora Johnson’s psychological/suspense crime thrillers ‘No Way Back,’ ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.net) available from Amazon in paperback/eBook (€0.99;£0.99) and iBookstore. All profits to Costa del Sol Cudeca cancer charity.