When you’re hot you’re hot

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PETER WYNGARDE: Always had a babe on his arm or in his Bentley Continental.

There is always one member in any group of blokes, who stands out in the crowd through his style and personality.  ‘Flash’ is a common adjective used to describe such individuals.

I am talking here of young men, and a time gone by when trouser waistlines got as low as the hips and that was it. Not shapeless strides that look as if they have an urgent appointment with your ankles.  

The only builder’s bums you saw then, were um, well builder’s bums.  The resident ‘Jack the Lad’ in our group was Alan.

Alan had Italian antecedents and although he was brought up in England, he still retained a very slight but alluring accent. Alluring to the girls that is.

He took for granted his popularity with women, and whilst the rest of us had to work hard to attract the opposite sex and continuously come up with new and corny chat-up lines, Alan would simply swagger over to his target, lift his eyebrows suggestively, and he was in.  

Even his swagger and eyebrow actions were delivered with a Mediterranean accent. A television series of the time was called ‘Department S’ and the main character, Jason King, was played by the actor Peter Wyngarde.

This oily devil wore sharp suits and sported fashionable long hair and a Zapata moustache.  And he always had a babe on his arm or in his Bentley Continental. Alan and Mr Wyngarde could have been brothers and attended the same school for smooth operators.

I stayed with my old friend in England recently, and nothing has changed. Whilst age has been a bitter enemy of mine, it seems to have simply ignored Alan and moved on to richer pickings.  

During my stay he would swan around wearing a granddad shirt, faded blue jeans held up with braces, and scuffed desert boots.  And dammit, he looked great.

When I returned home it inspired me to buy a pair of braces on Playa Flamenca market and try to emulate the look. The result was a fair photofit of what the father of Worzel Gummidge must have looked like.  The Princess thought I had finally flipped.

But that’s the way it is with blokes like Alan.  When you’re hot you’re hot, and if you’re not you’re not.

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