Police selling guns

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AUCTION SALE: Hundreds of firearms.

WHILE it may seem somewhat counterproductive to public safety, the Guardia Civil Command in Alicante will auction off hundreds of firearms at a private event on September 12. 

Organised by the force’s elite weapons unit, the auction will see a total of 660 guns up for grabs, including 486 rifles, 120 handguns, seven big game hunting rifles, and several puny airguns. 

The deadly offering will be available for public viewing from until September 9 before the big event. Local residents wondering why the police would suddenly be handing out weapons rather than raking them in shouldn’t be too concerned about the prospects of a lone wolf killer getting their hands on the haul – all the weapons are completely decommissioned and useless save for languishing in the deranged basements of avid collectors. 

All weapons not sold will be melted for scrap metal in a wise nod to cosmic harmony. 

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