Madrid condemns lazy dog owners to community service

IT’S a step removed from tarring and feathering, and probably won’t amuse those who’s profession they’ll be stealing for a day or two, but dog owners in Madrid could be forced to clean the streets of the Spanish capital if they don’t pick up road bound excrement. 

A new scheme orchestrated by an exasperated police force, clearly fed up with placating upset denizens all day, will see sneaky dog owners who try to escape a ‘hit n run’ faced with a hefty fine or the option of community service. 

Demonstrating a startling lack of awareness for police officers and politicians the city hall has complained that “there is still excrement in the streets, parks and other places” despite “repeated public awareness campaigns”.

The initiative will undergo an experimental phase in two of the city’s districts where forensic investigations have uncovered the largest concentration of canine business. 

It highlights the mission creep of a nationwide phenomenon which has seen offending dog owners targeted by a creative range of guerrilla tactics. 

At one point a volunteer army in Brunete, likely composed of devious old do-gooders, would start innocent conversations with suspects in order to find out the type of dog they owned. They would then snitch, third reich style, to the local authorities who would then post the dog poo to the owners in a box marked ‘Lost Property’.