AND I give you five of my New Year’s resolutions for 2016
It’s New Years Day.
I reflect on 2015 with the usual end of year question. Where did those 12 months go? I assess my depleted wine rack and the empty spaces once filled with Rioja and Chenin Blanc. There were other wines too, but I cannot spell their names. I make a mental note to restock at the earliest.
That’s resolution number one.
The Princess and I have belatedly pulled the turkey wishbone. We attempted this on Boxing Day but it was greasy and we were so ‘merry’ it failed to snap, so we put it in the oven to dry.
Uncharacteristically I won, entitling me to make the wish for continued good health, but an hour later one of the wardrobe doors fell off its track onto my foot. It has a full length mirror and is very heavy. It hurt.
Resolution two: Leave the wishbone inside the turkey. It doesn’t work.
At a Christmas party, a lady whose name I cannot remember made a comment about her unattractive grandson who was causing mayhem.
‘Don’t they grow up fast,’ she said. It’s a silly comment so I replied, ‘Not fast enough in his case.’ This attracted black looks from our hostess so I topped up my glass and had another sausage roll.
Resolution three: Stop making remarks about other peoples’ obnoxious grandchildren. They only see them as angels.
My wife loves board games, so we played Mexican Train and she thrashed me again. You either have the ability to think several moves ahead or you don’t. I don’t. I am too busy thinking of my empty glass or the leftover pork pie yelling: ‘Come and get me, and bring the Branston.’
Resolution four: Never play board games with my wife again, unless I perfect the art of cheating.
Watched some comedian on TV: ‘Live at the Apollo.’ ‘Live’ as opposed to what? A cardboard cut-out?
Which brought me to resolution five: To reduce significantly my output of sarcasm.
It will be tough. Happy New Year.