Mini heatwave brings out mad dogs and Englishmen to sizzle in the sun!

THE UK recently experienced something of a heatwave. Phew! Whatever next! However, as much as people say they love hot weather, endless and expensively-conducted ‘research’ suggests that people are in reality far more aggressive and violent when it does get hotter.
Now, I had a colleague in the UK, whom I will call ‘K,’ because her name is Katie (and no, not Hopkins!), who couldn’t stand the heat or the cold. During particularly long, hot summers, K could always be relied on to start whinging. About not getting any sleep at night, everyone being more impatient, wanting things yesterday while she waddled around like a tortoise on Valium … You get the drift. And during long, freezing winters she was equally irritable, waddling around miserably in her Puffa coat like a human igloo.  
The woman was – and I’m going to use a technical term here – an absolute hoot. Batty as a box of frogs of course. And I’m reminded here, too, of the Nobel-winning playwright Samuel Beckett’s famous line from Waiting for Godot: “We are all born mad.” Some remain so.
But the bottom line here is that Brits just aren’t used to extreme changes in the weather – and that it takes time to adapt.
Those of us who live in a hot country like Spain know that the pace of life is slower, people have a siesta in the middle of the day etc. Whereas during an all-too-brief mini-heatwave in the UK, Brits try to carry on as normal and it just doesn’t work: they end up hot and bothered.
Worse still, if they do have the opportunity, they’ll rush outside in their lunch break to roast to a nice shade of mahogany (mad dogs and Englishmen, don’t you know) when more thoughtful folk will be staying indoors or at least in the shade.
I suppose you could say the Brits are to dealing with extreme temperatures what Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky were to stain removing. Occasional participants, but not terribly skilful.
Well, so much for daft research. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with the fairies at the bottom of my garden.
Next week: results of the latest investigation into the psychology of cats – greedy, psychopathic, narcissistic – revealed by those renowned psychologists, professors Fido and Lassie.
Nora Johnson’s thrillers ‘Landscape of Lies,’ ‘Retribution,’ ‘Soul Stealer,’ ‘The De Clerambault Code’ (www.nora-johnson.com) available from Amazon in paperback/eBook (€0.89;£0.79) and iBookstore. Profits to Cudeca