Canine resolutions for a better life in the New Year

IT’S that time when we look forward to the New Year and think how can we make life better. It is the time for our New Year resolutions, and I see no reason why our canine friends should be left out.

Here is my light-hearted list of the pledges our dogs should make…

• I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.

• I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

• I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

• I will not eat the cats’ food, before, or after, they eat it.

• I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

• I will not throw up in the car.

• I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

• I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.

• I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think that I am haemorrhaging.

•   When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.

• I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.

• We do not have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear one on the television.

• I will not steal my Mum’s underwear and dance all over the garden with them.

• The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mum and Dad’s laps.

• My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

• I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches in for Mum’s driver’s licence and car registration.