Have you seen this man?

A SMALL hotel, situated on Spain’s Mediterranean coast, has issued an international alert. After a nine day, all-inclusive vacation a guest has disappeared leaving an insulting €5 tip. 

The hotel’s sole trader is seething. He says: “The client came recommended. We even transferred £200 to cover his travel expenses. Whilst staying with us our guest expected to be waited upon like a caliph’s emissary.”

The aggrieved host was gutted. He described how their visitor had been showered with services, laundry, room service, bedding and meals. Even the bar was free.

Provided with free airport transfer the delinquent tourist was taxied everywhere during his visit. He constantly complained about it being too hot to sleep then grumbled that he was awoken at 9.30 am by chattering neighbours. 

Our reporter was indignant on learning that the hotel’s smoking policies were ignored, the drinks cabinet and refrigerator raided and the guest’s private room left in a mess. 

The hotelier adds: “We were constantly picking up empty beer cans and emptying ashtrays, washing and ironing. It will take a day or so to clean the guest’s accommodation yet he constantly whined about having nothing to do. He says he was bored.”

The distressed innkeeper told of how their guest, after changing his money to euros, coughed up for just one round during his week’s stay. When he bought bootleg tobacco for selling on at a profit back in his homeland he needed to ‘borrow‘ €20.50 to complete his purchase. He has now scarpered back to England. The disgruntled host surmised. “We feel we have been scammed.”

If you recognise this fugitive from justice, contact the Euro Weekly News but not all at once. My guest, at the end of his self-indulgent stay, told me he was missing his home. 

Costa residents have all endured the guest from hell or the occasional ungrateful companion. I recall a struggling businessman who, after years of depriving his family, had a successful year. Off they went for a fortnight’s stay at a beautiful hotel situated on an idyllic Greek island.

During their return flight dad smugly turned to his teenage daughter, “what about that then?” The youngster groaned: “Dad, can we start going to Anglesey again?” 

For several years, I was a UK-based estate agent specialising in Spanish properties. Operating a stand at a London hotel, I asked a prospective client if he was looking for a two or 3-bed apartment. 

Without hesitation, the buyer blurted out. “One bedroom will do very well thank you very much. There is no way I am going to have my freeloading family land on my doorstep.” At the time, I could not understand such an unforgivable lack of charity. I can now.

There is a Scandinavian maxim. “Guests are like fish. They are very welcome but after three days they stink.”