‘BALD men are more likely to suffer heart attacks’. This was the latest gem of knowledge to emerge from some, waste of space, statistic organisation last week.
What no one seems to question is how on earth these assignment subjects are selected? Are they merely plucked out of thin air by their obviously disdainful superiors?
Do these project bosses actually lay in bed thinking up the most bizarre and off the wall subjects they can devise, and get paid for it!? The mind boggles.
Well I’m up for the job. Here are my first assignments to the morons who work for me. I want to know if people with in-growing toenails are more likely to marry after the age of 80 than earlier. Not bizarre enough? Let’s see.
Do women who suffer from smelly feet have more chance of riding a camel than those who don’t? What do you mean reasons? You don’t need reasons.
These people, no doubt employed by the state and paid by the taxpayer, can obviously come up with anything they choose. What possible benefits to the human race can the knowledge that bald men are more likely to suffer a heart attack than those with a full barnet bring?
Will this avalanche of ground-breaking insight make the hair growth laboratories move into overdrive, gallantly endeavoring to save bald men’s lives an’ all that?
This whole ridiculous statistic searching exercise is a con. In the same stable as Global Warming and Political Correctness.
Departments set up to employ as many nitpicking, jobsworth jabberwockies as possible. I’d like to actually see some of these people. What do they look like? Where do they live? Do they have hobbies, spouses? Are they people at all? Or are they robots? Part of a clandestine plot to turn us all into a race of bozos, maybe. Filled so full of nonsensical horse manure that finding out how many sweaty footed females ride camels is more important than finding our indecisive leaders slowly but surely threatening to culminate life as we know it?
Confuse the masses. Lower their standards. Turn our sense of values and priorities upside down and they can get away with just about anything. Don’t laugh. I wouldn’t put it past our illustrious leaders.
Haven’t done so since the 60’s; when political hypocrisy was just about par for the course. I’ve looned through the night with quite a number of so called esteemed party members, who could be observed cat-calling from the House benches the following day!
Show me a truly sincere and honest politician and I’ll show you a complete herd of snorters’ gyrating gracefully across the sky. I digress. Do you know that people who don’t trust politicians are more likely to avoid hemorrhoids, or any indeed any other particular pain in the bum? Oh yes. Statistics ennit!
Keep the faith.
Love Leapy leapylee.co.uk firstname.lastname@example.org