Drink and stay happy (or out)!

IT turns out that there’s a scientific and logical explanation for why people (mostly men) spend so much time in bars and only get home in the early hours of the morning.

The reason for this odd behaviour is based on Einstein’s famous Theory of Relativity.

It works like this:

It is a well-known fact that the more you drink, the faster you move (or fall down).

After about eight beers (or four shorts) you’re moving at close to the speed of light, and this is where Einstein enters the picture.

According to his ‘Theory’ anybody moving at, or close to the speed of light, undergoes ‘Time Dilation’ (i.e. the time you’re in the bar passes slower than someone standing outside).
Complicated calculations have shown that the bar becomes a type of time machine… for every half-hour you spend inside, something like two hours pass outside.  Think about it… especially if the topic of conversation is right up your street (sport in my case).

A typical situation is: “OK guys, it’s 10 o’clock, I’m gonna surprise the wife and get home early!” However, the moment you step outside the bar, the time travel effect is negated by negative radiation from the environment, and you think to yourself “Why is it so quiet? Oh my God! It’s half past one! What happened??”

The answer, of course, is Time Dilation! 
I’ve tried to explain this to outside observers, but so far nobody (except fellow time travellers) has been able, or willing, to understand the sound scientific basis of this phenomenon.

By Tony Matthews