YOU only live twice. Well, some people do.

Jenaro Jiménez allegedly faked his own death after turning the tables on lending institutions.

After swindling banks of tens of thousands he fled to South America, police said.

There, he married a 28-year old beauty queen and started a new family. The long arm in the blue serge material caught up with the conniving Jenaro.

He is now being tried in Cadiz facing charges of misappropriating €30,000 from Bankinter. Three years ago, Jiménez, up to his ears in debt, drove to a beach near Tarifa (Cadiz), according to Press reports. There he left evidence to suggest he had drowned in a scuba diving accident.

Using the false name Alvaro Domeq, his ‘corpse’ resurfaced in Paraguay, where he married and had a daughter by 28 year old Rossana Villalba, a former Miss Paraguay. Not so happy, he had reportedly abandoned a pregnant wife and child in Spain. Most amazing of all; he returned to Spain voluntarily to face the music. As the saying goes; truth is stranger than fiction.

IF you think the law’s an ass wherever you lived before I am afraid it is frying pan – fire. David Carballo Nieto, 36, a carpenter and family man, is as straight as they come; a pillar of his community.

However, he did snap when after asking a man for money owed to him, the response was a cheeky taunt. A single rash punch broke his tormentor’s nose. For this he received 3-years in prison from an A Coruña court.

The case is being appealed. The hapless David says: ‘The laws are ill designed. I get sent to jail for this and others, who have done far worse things such as drug dealing, say they are sorry, they do a deal with the prosecutor and go home.’ Quite! Good luck with your appeal, David.

WHEN Barcelona’s Monumental bullring closed its doors on September 25, 624 years of tradition came to an end. The question being asked is, how will bullfighting aficionados amuse themselves now? Are they realistic in their hopes that the ban will be repealed?

The truth is; the tradition was burnt out anyway; gate receipts were falling alarmingly. The politicians simply administered a death blow to a tradition that has passed its sell by date.

Might I suggest the tables be turned on the bullfighting critics by now focusing on the abdominal slaughterhouses situated throughout Western Europe; and the rituals performed in them, to appease human traditions?

Hypocrites would do well to remember that indignation is a two-edged sword.