latest gem from the ‘ealth ‘n’ safety , waste of space brigade


So now it s considered dangerous to go ‘apple bobbing’?. This latest gem from the esteemed ‘ealth ‘n’ safety, waste of space brigade, really does take the whole tin. As an alternative, these morons actually suggested that the children could scoop the apples from the water with their hands! Do the taxpayer’s actually pay the wages of these idiots?

Why can’t I get a job like that? I’ve got some great suggestions to throw – oops, I mean ‘ease gently’ – into the hat.


First of all I propose we never leave our homes at all.

The dangers of venturing outside are simply too boggling to contemplate. Bird poo could be lethal.

A renegade meteorite could wreak havoc among the populace. No, I suggest we all stay indoors. Actually in bed would be even better. More likely to save you from tripping over the carpet or slipping on a wet floor.

Mind you even laying in bed could cause problems.

Turning over can produce a nasty dislocation, and what if a sudden paralysis prevents you from lifting your face off the pillow and you suffocate to death? No, we simply have to be even more careful.

To be quite honest, I think the actual act of being born simply has to go. The journey from tummy to teat is far too hazardous for a mere baby to embark on. Far safer to stay put. After all what dangers can you possibly face in the womb of your mother? Er, well quite a number actually. In fact this can be the most hazardous time of all… Mmm, wait a minute; I think I have a complete answer to the problem. We simply won’t bother. After all, copulation can result in all kinds of ‘ealth ‘n’ safety issues. If we cease to reproduce and subsequently cease to exist, we don’t have to consider any risks whatsoever. Unless of course there is an ethereal ‘ealth n safety department.

‘I’m sorry, if you want to transgress to a higher plain you simply have to wear a ‘hard halo.’ The soul boggles. Come on Dave you told us you were going to rid us of all these morons. With people dying because rescuers are frightened to go into action without special permission from some ‘ealth n safety directive, it’s no longer even funny. And while were on the subject of Dave, why can’t he just say no to the Brussels Eurocrats? ‘No, we refuse to change our 140 year old ruling on convict voting.’ Sounds straight foreword enough to me. What are they going to do, expel us?  Chance would be a fine thing.

Has this man got the bottle to take us where we need to go? Mmmm the jury is still out. Mind you it’s not been a bad week. At least Obama received a good stiff kick up his self satisfied, somewhat questionable, hind quarters. Be thankful for small mercies, that’s what I say.

Keep the Faith.

Love Leapy



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