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Don’t bother to wrap it....
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 IN the light of total brain arrest and the fact that the last few days have been somewhat ‘taxing’, I have decided to take ‘Ed’s’ advice and drag up a scribble from the past. This one, published some yonks ago brought a grin to my old boat race - let’s hope it does the same for you.
At last, the ideal woman
Forget the deliverers of breakfast in bed. Disregard the ‘slippers warmed by the fire’ brigade, or the ‘watch your football, I’ll miss Coronation Street’ (Wot!) angels of understanding. Last night on tele they featured an ever-loving who topped ‘em all. For her husband’s birthday, she lovingly purchased… wait for it. Two and a half thousand dollars worth of prime time in a high class brothel! - Yes! At the risk of spending the remainder of my singing career as a soprano, I have to admit that is most definitely my kind of gal. The reasons, this portrayer of the real art of love and marriage explained, were that she knew her husband would enjoy it. Furthermore, from past experience, (she’d done it before!?) it also tended to beef up their own sex life back home. Well, what better reasons could there be? I await, with heavily armored jock strap, the slings, arrows and steel tipped toes of outraged house persons throughout this fair and female equality land.
Actually, I thought the camera following him as he ‘unwrapped’ his present was a bit strong (hardly Christmas morning in the parlour), but, once unwrapped, I must confess this particular ‘lady of the night’ was a bit tasty. ‘Course, back in my ‘Bayswater/Notting Hill days, I knew many of these young ‘flaunting fillies’ and did, when youth was on my side, find the odd freebie most ‘interesting!’
One gay couple, who lived around the corner from our one-bedroom matchbox in Paddington, rang one day to tell us they had been given a tip by one of their Police Inspector clients (those were the days!), to be ready for an impending raid on their premises. ‘Could they,’ they went on, ‘bring some of their ‘stuff’ around and store it at our place till the danger was passed?’ As I was the Godfather of one of their children and knew them both fairly well, I of course obliged. This particular couple specialized in S&M. In fact, one of their ‘clients’ was a leading character in the TV series ‘The Avengers’. This actually goes a long way to explaining the extensive use of rubber, leather, whips and female domination in the said series! (You learn all sort of things here ya know!). Expecting nothing more than a couple of cartons of the ‘gear’, I agreed it was ok. Later, when I answered the door, I could hardly believe my eyes. There on the doorstep stood the two girls accompanied by two more ‘helpers’ I stood aside and watched amazed as they trundled by with a great multitude of the ‘tools of their trade’. Long planks of wood with attached chains and padlocks, metal ‘rack’-like appliances, a huge ‘cross’ and boxes of heaven knows what, all filed passed me into our tiny apartment.
Managing to shove most of it under our bed, they duly left, promising to retrieve it when it was safe to do so.
That night, my then spouse Mary and I simply couldn’t resist a rummage! It was all there. An amazing collection of leather masks, rubber, and implements even I had no idea which part of the body were meant to adorn. At this stage I hasten to explain, my first wife Mary was an extremely shy and fairly demure nurse, who, although a bit of a dark horse, was extremely easy to embarrass. Someone more removed from the ‘raver’ category would be difficult to imagine. Nevertheless, suitably fortified by a couple of bottles of wine we - that is I - decided to try some of it on. To cut a very long one short, I soon found myself starkers, chained, masked and trussed up like the proverbial chicken. Amongst much merriment and giggles Mary picked up one of the whips and, began to simulate a ‘naughty boy’ lesson... Suddenly the (unlocked) front door, which entered directly into the apartment, flew open and there, framed in the entrance, stood one of her brothers on a surprise visit from Ireland. Don’t ask!
Have a gay week, a wonderful New Year and for heavens sake, keep on keeping it. Love Leapy leapylee.co.uk. |  Return to Top
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