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 Mariah Carey’s Jack Russell terrier occupied a seat beside her whenever she flew until he grew too large, which is mystifying because even an overfed Jack Russell should be able to cram itself into a first-class airline seat. Mariah Carey has a slightly distorted vision of life and insisted on signing autographs at Selfridges in London seated on a throne, surrounded by roses and butterflies. How, then, could we expect her Jack Russell to be like anyone else’s? It probably thinks it’s a Great Dane. (Edition 1189)
Health
Our mothers and grandmothers belonged to the gloriously insouciant ‘you’ve got to eat a peck before you die’ school of thought yet we survived into healthy adulthood and I must be showing my age, because I suspect a peck or two would be highly therapeutic. On second thoughts, it would be impossible to find pecks amidst all this pristine domestic spotlessness. Perhaps that’s the problem. (Edition 1176)
Exercise
Clothes shopping, I find, burns up a miraculous 262 calories an hour. Clothes shopping, mark you, not food shopping or popping out for the newspapers. I can’t say I’m surprised. It’s demanding and tough work but somebody’s got to do it. Fortunately. (Edition 1220)
Politics
The former Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott is not my cup of tea but he’ll go up in my estimation if it’s true that he once called Tony Blair ‘a little s—t’ to his face. I couldn’t have put it better myself and on this one occasion it’s safe to say Prescott has spoken eloquently on my behalf. (Edition 1192)
Love
A recent book of misprints reminded me of my own favourite, spotted in a menu for an aphrodisiac Saint Valentine’s celebration. At one stage in the proceedings, the hopeful cook is instructed to ‘simmer until lust boiling’ so presumably someone had a hot dinner that night. (Edition 1214)
Tourism
In an unguarded moment, the Duke of Edinburgh said of tourism that ‘it’s just national prostitution’. If he’s right that must mean that most of us on the Costas are either pimps or procuresses. (Edition 1218)
Education
Improve or face being shut down – that was the recent warning to hundreds of Britain’s worst performing secondary schools. And then what will the British government do? Open more secondary schools that fail to improve? (Edition 1198)
Diet
Reputedly, mothers now warn little girls that if they eat all their food up they’ll never find husbands. In my day they predicted that if we didn’t clear our plates we wouldn’t grow up to be big strong girls. Just another oddity for the ‘How Times Do Change’ department. (Edition 1181) |  Return to Top
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Robert Duvall - 77 - American actor,
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